It’s Not Easy


CharlieMae’s Thought poem to be accompanied by Bastille – World’s Gone Mad as an background music. Lyrics decode.


Why my Australia trip strengthen the love for him


Looks is one thing, but at the end of the day is all about the personality.


As we all know ( ok maybe just me) that my aussie trip started horribly (Found here Aus- First day Shock!) I could be miserable for the rest of my days but I recover faster because of him. He never got angry at me all the while I was being angry and miserable.


On the first day, once I got access to my wifi, as I was late he already texted me multiple times looking at the time he sent the msgs. So I reach Central station, holding tears when I was on the train, he was there waiting with his huge backpack and all his stuff, he smells horrible, having not having a proper accomodation all the time in Melbourne.  We had to take a bus to get his car, in the bus he was just looking at why im so unhappy I guess. Even before that, we went to Sydney opera house, I couldn’t even lift a smile, he was telling me ‘smile!’ when I ask him to take a photo..which I really have to force up a smile after a horrible day lol.


Once we got our car I was not that happy too because the air conditioning of the car was not working, and I wasn’t allow to take a long time to look at a nearby grocery store because we were parking illegally and he was worried. I felt there was some racism too on my first few days. The aussies definitely did not treat me so well but for him he always don’t care much on how others think. When we were at blue mountain he told me that was how real aussies are, when he talked to a receptionist asking for mountain suggestions for hiking (that lady was definitely alot nicer than the people in Sydney).


The breaking point when I fully realised is when we were at Newcastle, I was still very much aware and conscious of how other think of me/of us. Just when I was starting to let loose (because he always turn the music sooooo loud), I was embarassed when a teenage kid next to our car at the traffic light stop make fun of us with head banging, and I’m also conscious because I’m asian in a white country, the kid was like making faces and stuff, the instant instinct was looking away pretending I did not see.
As for Hauke, I don’t think he realised, he just kept singing loudly and enjoying the moment looking at me once in awhile to see if I am also in the zone. That kind of spirit really inspired me, to not care about others because people will always judge and those people are not important in your life. If I get a second chance, I would point a middle finger at the stupid tardface punk (that can’t even drive , his mom was driving).. and I would kept singing because I would be enjoying, not caring on dirt punks.


Yeah so after that, I really start to loosen up, really started to enjoy the mood after seeing how carefree he is on the surrounding, and only care about our time mainly.
Walking barefoot most of the time.. but seems like that’s not just him, many aussies does the same so maybe that don’t count ;p


When we reached Coff’s Harbour near the big banana, as we were walking back to our car, some kid said ‘miao’ from the car, that’s what I heard, what he heard was ‘ Did she just said ni hao?’ Me:’ I dont know, dont care~’ him: ‘If she did that’s racist, I allow you to say “fuck you” to her’ . That’s when he sees that is a little racism in Aus, just that he have not seen with his own eyes. It was racist because I’m just asian, I could be japanese , chinese, korean, vietnamese, indonesian etc etc. Dear Aussies, asian does not mean Chinese. So he does care and he isn’t embarrased to walk next to me and anything.


At South West Rocks, when we are out of water, he thought about just going into the restaurant and get in, but I said he isn’t buying anything so they will probably scoff him off. He told me he dont care he doesnt lose anything, in the end the people were kind enough to give him water (yes I waited in the car, just in case they have any racism). It inspired me to care less on the ego/rejection.


All the time as I have been growing up I have care more and more on how others think, i need his sort of optimism, of only caring what’s important. No fear to rejection, to embarassment of the rejection or sayings and so on. So even at Port Stephens when some aussie indian and whites looks pissed off at us for stopping at the loading bay (oh please, is it necessary to show the you-want-to-kill-somebody face? ) and come to knock at our car window, we just laughed it off and show a sorry we are tourists face~. Yes at the point I have already gotten more care-free and adapting to him 🙂


Even at byron’s bay when people are looking and chuckling at my weird asian clothing, I dont care much because you’re only being evil because its not a norm in your country, and normal human nature is not that entirely nice, people talk. Well I’m on the buddhist side so I accept people, just people don’t accept me and alot of other stuff.



At the end of the trip, I have became a carefree on my attire, my race, how we act and what we do because of him. ..Then again when I came back to Malaysia there was some jdugement so, oh well as long as he is around, I just need to have that carefree attitude, and he is a reminder to be carefree and ahppy


This article is dedicated to him, I dont know what happens to us in the future, but since the beginning i met him, made me changed for the better , the braver.


Internet diary of expression: This is Charlie Mae


Hi, my name is Charlie Mae. I have all sorts of names from all sorts of friends, but here, i’m gonna be known as Charlie Mae. This will be my place of expression, a place where i can express my thoughts and opinions, to fulfill my need to write my thoughts somewhere.. since i can’t bother my friends all the time as you aged (YES IMMA GETTING OLD).

I’m starting on this because, i want to share my experience and thoughts for myself , as a reminder for myself, talking to myself as a reader, and also learn on digital media (Yes i’m a tech noob). Oh not to forget, to share pretty pictures i’ve captured, yay! and also to comment on food and scenery and people :p Am i repeating myself? You also must be thinking, what don’t I put this as a private post? Well maybe, to let someone out there with a personality and mindset similar to mine to know that , you’re not alone in your thoughts.

I have so much perspective and thoughts about the world I want to share with people, I’m a person who is use to talking to people online, gathering infomation about their country and culture, sociology interest me.

Why? to see how true are the stereotypes, to let the world know about things that you don’t get to know through travel channel (which only talks about good stuff), about people I encounter, then it’s up to you to think, to know that such things exist in the world.

My way of taking photos, ‘I like retro’, so you can see some filter with retro (especially most recent trip in Australia), using Panasonic Lumix DMC-GF6. I have abit of adult ADHD maybe?! so , let’s hope i can maintain this, and not to be too shy on haters.

I’m writing this however the way I want, as I’ve just seen the video by Shameless Maya on youtube yesterday, that inspired me. No, I don’t give a fuck on traffic and shitz, otherwise I wouldn’t be so expressive, otherwise, I would’ve write on all the things that attracts traffic already.

Personally, I’m really shy, like really shy i usually don’t post pictures of myself, so you would see that most of my pictures are on food and scenery (IG is a proof of it). So if shy + expressive = typing online lmao. Even my current boyfriend says i’m a shy asian girl (more on this for later blog posts).

If you find this blog, welcome to my online diary. If you don’t like this blog, move on.

Hello internet people.